Congratulations
You and your partner have decided to get married. This page
is designed to give you some advice and explanation as to
what is possible, and what you should be thinking about
while planning your religious ceremony. Although it can not
cover every eventuality, it is intented to point out some
of the things you that will need to consider.
The
Law
In
the United Kingdom, the civil law mirrors Jewish law, by
stating that only two Jews (one of each gender), can be
married in a synagogue. If a couple wish to be married in
another location, then they must be married first by the
civil authorities. Following recent changes in the law, it
is now possible to be married in a number of different
locations. This can be in any place that has been granted a
license for this purpose, such as hotels, country houses,
galleries, castles, museums, and zoos. Not all possible
venues are licensed in this way. In such cases, it is
possible to be married in a registry office, prior to
having a religious ceremony at the other venue. In either
case, you will both need to show proof to the civil
authorities regarding your identity and that you are free
to marry. You will have to satisfy the religious
authorities regarding your Jewish status. You do not need
to belong to a synagogue, although it usually helps if you
are.
The
Ceremony
The details of the ritual will need be gone through with
the officiating rabbi and may reflect Ashkenasi, Sephardi,
or other local customs and traditions. Some couples want to
follow Jewish tradition, while others also want to be more
creative and have a more personalized and unique ceremony.
The groom is expected to give the bride a ring and to say
to her the traditional words, "By this ring I betroth you
to me according to the laws of Moses and Israel." This is
usually said in Aramaic when exchanging rings. It is also
customary for the 7 marriage blessings to be sung. The
whole ceremony takes place under a chupah (wedding canopy).
The groom smashes a glass at the end of the ritual, to loud
cries of "Mazel Tov.". Two Jewish witnesses are also
required to sign the ketubah (marriage document.) To see
examples of different styles of Ketubot, look at
http://www.jessyjudaica.com There are many other sites
offering other examples. When looking at locations, it may
help to think about how you will make your entrances,
exits, music, lighting, noise, parking, and how the
ceremony will fit in with the rest of the day's activities.
Music
As
well as the Rabbi, some couples wish to have an organist,
cantor, or choir. Other couples elect to have music of
their own choices, played by musicians, or from a tape, or
C.D. played through a suitable PA. system.
Photography
Some
rabbis will not allow the ceremony to be filmed, or to have
a photographer present. Others have no objection. However,
a certain amount of discretion is called for, so that where
permitted, it is not intrusive during the ritual. It may be
wise, prior to the ceremony, to outline the course of
events to any cameramen so that they can find a good
vantage point and know what to expect.
What Happens Next ?
When you know the date, time and location for the religious
ceremony, it would be wise to ensure that the rabbi is also
available before you confirm the venue. Bookings are
usually accepted by rabbis in the order in which they are
received. A deposit may be payable, which will be
non-refundable.
It is normal to meet with the rabbi several times, before
the ceremony takes place.
You should take out insurance to cover any accident, or
unforeseen loss, or misadventure on the day. Although every
care will be taken, situations may arise beyond anyone's
control.
If the ceremony is taking place outside of a synagogue, you
must be married in a civil and legally binding ceremony,
before the religious ceremony takes place.
You may be responsible for providing a Ketubah (marriage
document,) but these can easily be found on the internet by
typing “ketubah” or “ketuba” into a
search engine. However, it is important to check with the
rabbi that any text is acceptable, before you purchase the
document. If you are getting married in a synagogue, it is
the synagogue who usually provides this and the rabbi who
will fill in the details. The rabbi will want to know your
Hebrew names. There are many sources available in Israel
and the USA for ketubot. You may also be responsible for
providing a “Chuppah” (wedding canopy),
although most synagogues have these.
Clearly, this page is designed to offer guidance for
couples based in the UK. If you live abroad, or plan on
having your wedding in a country other then the UK, then it
may not be possible, or appropriate to follow all the
suggestions and advice in every detail. There is some
discretion when circumstances prevent the normal pattern
from being followed.